http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/ Tue, 09 Mar 2010 18:39:36 -0600 MyBB http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=356 Thu, 25 Feb 2010 15:06:59 -0600 ArchFundy http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=356 http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=347 Sun, 21 Feb 2010 06:08:00 -0600 anniew http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=347 http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=346 Sat, 20 Feb 2010 12:56:05 -0600 Caecus http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=346



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]]> http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=335 Sat, 30 Jan 2010 16:00:32 -0600 robur http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=335
thanks.

]]>
thanks.

]]> http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=330 Mon, 18 Jan 2010 08:47:19 -0600 anniew http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=330
Author Message
AngelMother



Number of posts: 32
Age: 25
Location: Oklahoma
Registration date: 2008-06-03

Subject: Taking men shopping Mon 17 Aug - 21 51

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samsel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away!. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

---

Taser

Author Message
AngelMother



Number of posts: 32
Age: 25
Location: Oklahoma
Registration date: 2008-06-03

Subject: Taser Tue 22 Jul - 2344

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife for Mother's Day!

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser.
The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....?? WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and I brought it home.

I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself
that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!" What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.....I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, " don't do it dipshit," reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.

I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION .
. . WHAT THE HELL!!! I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body
soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative? SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it
originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone.; I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!
P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

"If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid"]]>
Author Message
AngelMother



Number of posts: 32
Age: 25
Location: Oklahoma
Registration date: 2008-06-03

Subject: Taking men shopping Mon 17 Aug - 21 51

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samsel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away!. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

---

Taser

Author Message
AngelMother



Number of posts: 32
Age: 25
Location: Oklahoma
Registration date: 2008-06-03

Subject: Taser Tue 22 Jul - 2344

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife for Mother's Day!

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser.
The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....?? WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and I brought it home.

I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself
that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!" What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.....I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, " don't do it dipshit," reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.

I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION .
. . WHAT THE HELL!!! I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body
soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative? SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it
originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone.; I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!
P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

"If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid"]]> http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=323 Sat, 09 Jan 2010 15:23:24 -0600 Leonius http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=323 S E L L I N G

200 White Rabbit Fur 8 gc]]> S E L L I N G

200 White Rabbit Fur 8 gc]]> http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=314 Tue, 15 Dec 2009 18:32:51 -0600 mariejane http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=314
ps. hope you rember me lol]]>
ps. hope you rember me lol]]> http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=303 Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:34:23 -0600 Caecus http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=303 http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=297 Tue, 03 Nov 2009 10:21:38 -0600 Caecus http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=297
Anyone can help, we will need lots of magic ess, ogre toads, and srs. Ask in #gm if you have any questions.

Points:
Extra Mana Pots =
SRs = 14
Blue Quartz = 2
Ogre Toes = 1
Magic Essence = 7
Emeralds = 3
Blue Stars = 0.5
Lilacs = 0.5
Impatiens = 0.5
Wine = 1
Vials = 5.5]]>
Anyone can help, we will need lots of magic ess, ogre toads, and srs. Ask in #gm if you have any questions.

Points:
Extra Mana Pots =
SRs = 14
Blue Quartz = 2
Ogre Toes = 1
Magic Essence = 7
Emeralds = 3
Blue Stars = 0.5
Lilacs = 0.5
Impatiens = 0.5
Wine = 1
Vials = 5.5]]> http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=296 Sat, 31 Oct 2009 09:02:28 -0500 Caecus http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=296 http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=293 Sun, 18 Oct 2009 00:57:55 -0500 yethq http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=293
500 Hydro ores!!!

Everyone in the guild is welcome to participate. Harvest harvestables and donate them to others, make essies and bars, manu swords, harvest hydro, or all of the above. Do whatever you feel comfortable doing!

Enjoy and ask the guild for questions if you are new. Any member can contribute and is ALWAYS welcome

Steel bars, iron bars, fire essense, coal, iron ore, flowers, sulfer. All of it is welcome! If you have something to donate just announce it in #gm. Or if you are looking for something, like ing's for fire essense announce that as well!
Phantom warriors drop s2e's
Please post all transactions if you want to get credit (at least one member has to post the donations each time).

Points:
Hydro ore = 1050
S2E = 950
Steel Bars = 50
Iron Bars = 38
Iron ore = 3.5
Coal = 2
Fes = 3.5
Sulfur = 2
Flowers = 0.5]]>
500 Hydro ores!!!

Everyone in the guild is welcome to participate. Harvest harvestables and donate them to others, make essies and bars, manu swords, harvest hydro, or all of the above. Do whatever you feel comfortable doing!

Enjoy and ask the guild for questions if you are new. Any member can contribute and is ALWAYS welcome

Steel bars, iron bars, fire essense, coal, iron ore, flowers, sulfer. All of it is welcome! If you have something to donate just announce it in #gm. Or if you are looking for something, like ing's for fire essense announce that as well!
Phantom warriors drop s2e's
Please post all transactions if you want to get credit (at least one member has to post the donations each time).

Points:
Hydro ore = 1050
S2E = 950
Steel Bars = 50
Iron Bars = 38
Iron ore = 3.5
Coal = 2
Fes = 3.5
Sulfur = 2
Flowers = 0.5]]> http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=291 Wed, 14 Oct 2009 22:27:02 -0500 bigbass http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=291 http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=281 Mon, 28 Sep 2009 16:04:49 -0500 bigbass http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=281 http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=277 Mon, 21 Sep 2009 17:35:59 -0500 bigbass http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=277 http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=262 Thu, 20 Aug 2009 11:34:35 -0500 Caecus http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=262 ]]> ]]> http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=261 Thu, 20 Aug 2009 10:10:56 -0500 Caecus http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=261
Points:
Moonies 170
Silver Meds 129
Silver Bars 39
Polished Saphs 26
Saphs 3
Water Ess 6.5
Fire Ess 3.5
Blue Quartz 2
Silver Ore 2
Coal 2
Sulfur 2
Sandpaper 10
Flowers 0.5

Paycheck = total points - 5%]]>
Points:
Moonies 170
Silver Meds 129
Silver Bars 39
Polished Saphs 26
Saphs 3
Water Ess 6.5
Fire Ess 3.5
Blue Quartz 2
Silver Ore 2
Coal 2
Sulfur 2
Sandpaper 10
Flowers 0.5

Paycheck = total points - 5%]]> http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=258 Fri, 14 Aug 2009 19:26:13 -0500 Caecus http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=258
Just post here what you need so those of us not anti can grab it when we get the chance ]]>
Just post here what you need so those of us not anti can grab it when we get the chance ]]> http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=252 Tue, 11 Aug 2009 10:11:25 -0500 Caecus http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=252 http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=241 Thu, 23 Jul 2009 10:23:06 -0500 Caecus http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=241
*Flower totals include an extra 1k flowers and to account for an extra 100 CF.

Just post here if you would like to participate and if you have any preference of flowers.

]]>
*Flower totals include an extra 1k flowers and to account for an extra 100 CF.

Just post here if you would like to participate and if you have any preference of flowers.

]]> http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=240 Thu, 23 Jul 2009 10:07:23 -0500 Caecus http://boc.eonverse.com/forums/showthread.php?tid=240
Everyone in the guild is welcome to participate. Harvest harvestables and donate them to others, make essies and bars, manu swords, harvest hydro, or all of the above. Do whatever you feel comfortable doing!

Enjoy and ask the guild for questions if you are new. Any member can contribute and is ALWAYS welcome

Steel bars, iron bars, fire essense, coal, iron ore, flowers, sulfer. All of it is welcome! If you have something to donate just announce it in #gm. Or if you are looking for something, like ing's for fire essense announce that as well!
Phantom warriors drop s2e's
Please post all transactions if you want to get credit (at least one member has to post the donations each time).

Points:
Hydro ore = 1050
S2E = 950
Steel Bars = 50
Iron Bars = 38
Iron ore = 3.5
Coal = 2
Fes = 3.5
Sulfur = 2
Flowers = 0.5]]>
Everyone in the guild is welcome to participate. Harvest harvestables and donate them to others, make essies and bars, manu swords, harvest hydro, or all of the above. Do whatever you feel comfortable doing!

Enjoy and ask the guild for questions if you are new. Any member can contribute and is ALWAYS welcome

Steel bars, iron bars, fire essense, coal, iron ore, flowers, sulfer. All of it is welcome! If you have something to donate just announce it in #gm. Or if you are looking for something, like ing's for fire essense announce that as well!
Phantom warriors drop s2e's
Please post all transactions if you want to get credit (at least one member has to post the donations each time).

Points:
Hydro ore = 1050
S2E = 950
Steel Bars = 50
Iron Bars = 38
Iron ore = 3.5
Coal = 2
Fes = 3.5
Sulfur = 2
Flowers = 0.5]]>